Path of Love: PachaMama

Posted on August 31, 2015 by japanesecrouton

Welcome to the jungle!

Wild beasts, strange noises, burning heat, lethargy, fear, exploration of the unknown, sweat, tears, and breakthroughs. Yes I am talking about the inner landscape of the mind, which is strikingly similar to this beautiful Costa Rican backdrop. Another group of hungry seekers have descended upon PachaMama, an intentional spiritual community, to participate in The Path of Love. I have left the Asian tropics for the Central American tropics to staff this process and remind myself of the love and beautiful essence I carry in myself. Barely having time to integrate all the realizations I carry from my process in January, I am jumping into a strong remembering of the truth I hold so dear.

Having gotten a little lost in Bali and wishing to return to the truth of my essence, without the minds filtering and lies and masks, I have come to Costa Rica to touch that space again. I carry this truth with me, along with the presence of my ego, which seems to have grown several sizes since my PoL. It hasn’t really grown any bigger, just my awareness of its true size has become apparent. This is my challenge and my mastery: To overcome this harshest of critics and live my life from a place of love and gratitude. At times this takes an extreme physical effort to realize that not listening to the lies of the ego and comfortable habit patterns is the only way to continue moving forward and to inhabit all the beautiful joys of my life. Only this one barrier is left and could be with me in its many ways and forms and subtleties, quite possibly my whole life. I wish to find pleasure in not feeding my ego any more attention and to begin mastering the expansion of my life. This means facing my fears each day, being proactive rather than reactive, no excuses for laziness, and to find the passion for my life each day no matter how I feel or what I think. Choosing to move forward despite every anxiety and fear is the only choice that can heal this wound we all carry.

*Our beautiful group room & a sample of our vegan diet

Having the loving support of PoL members in which to share and deepen your search is the gift of being a staff or participant. The daily reminder of connecting and growing with a beautiful support system helps master the egos presence, which opens the space to find the courage to live your life according to your truth. Often times this very simple issue gets glossed over by the ego and the small truths that should be spoken are left silent. The compliments you wish to give, the hurts you wish to acknowledge, the small risks you could take, and all the times you could step out and be seen for who you are, are simply passed over and the opportunity to grow is missed. It is the courage to know and live your truth, moment to moment, no matter the costs that lets your unique light shine. So many things get in the way of this, particularly old habit patterns and the rules of society and politeness, but the truth is no less real. My whole work this week with the Path of Love came down to these two things. Stay awake, alive, juicy, and passionately on fire for my life while not listening to that liar of an inner judge called the ego. Practicing this, despite all the difficulties and unknowns, I can stay with my passionate self.

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Courtesy of PachaMana and Ankati Day

I gleaned many wonderful experiences as a staff member, where our main job is to hold the space and be present for all the participants. This presence becomes a prayer and I know what angels must feel like. To silently watch a human being struggle through life, and lovingly remind them unceasingly and with great love that they are watched over, loved, taken care of, and going in the right direction. As I practiced this I had to laugh at the perfectness of this situation in reverse. I am always watched over, loved, guided, and cared for. Just as I couldn’t interfere with the participants directly, my Angels cannot interfere in my life. I must make my own choices, but I can trust. In that trust I can know God and silence and be happy without knowing where my journey ends. Choosing to live with ever present guidance rather than despair, struggle, or fear is certainly a more powerful choice to improve how I feel about facing the struggles and challenges of each day.

I once again have made many deep friendships and connections from across the world. New inspirations and resources in the quest to build a sustainable meditation community and hope that I can manifest it with loving effort. My partner Lindsay during the process became a dear friend and close confidant. She is on a similar path and is starting a small retreat center focusing on yoga, healing, and detox called Samara Soul Adventures. This was such a synchronicity and inspiration to me that I feel my idea is not so overwhelming, but that only the first step is the hardest. I found so much love and support from the staff and community in which we were living. PachaMama is a community based on self development, meditation, and sustainability, and living here has only added to my experience and trust in my own future. Many people here have their own retreat centers or healing practices and the more I travel the more I feel this idea I carry is spreading. One day small centers will just blossom around the world and everyone will be able to enjoy their local sustainable communities and transformational processes without traveling so far.

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Courtesy of PachaMana

The finishing touch of this adventure was an all night forest fairy party. Tyohar, the spiritual leader of PachaMama, is also an accomplished DJ and nature photographer who wowed us for 17 hours of amazing rock music while the whole community danced and brought the jungle to life. Dressed as forest creatures, from children to well advanced souls, everyone dug deep and found the blissful energy to dance all through the night and into the next day. I personally had to find the energy and commitment to have fun rather than listen to my ego who clearly said we need sleep and to retreat from this environment because that’s what we do every other night. Of course I ignored it firmly and managed not only to stay awake for the party, but found so much energy that I continued on for many more hours, 36 in all before a nice night of sleep and arising again at 5 am with the sun for my morning routine of stretching and meditation. New friends were made this night and other relationships deepened. The connections of community and oneness were shared amongst all, in the spirit of dance and love. I can’t imagine a more amazing experience to finish this already powerful process.

I leave PachaMama with a full heart. One of deep gratitude and joy, but also sadness and longing. To honor the sadness of leaving such deep connections is just as real as the joy of having met in the first place. Thankfully we live in an international world with the convenience of technology and ease of travel. Deepening into the heart, I only find more and more to love in this world and those with whom to share it. May you find your own path of love or just enjoy this wonderful process for all the jewels it can bestow into your life. May Gods blessing and the passion of life be with you always.

Visit PachaMana yourself and experience the transformation firsthand!

They have many different programs and classes to choose from, including Path of Love.

Finding Balance In Bali

Posted on August 17, 2015 by japanesecrouton

Swooping into Bali on the eve of Nyepi, Balinese new year and day of silence, the streets are packed with revelers, smiling faces, singing and loud noise crackers. Crews from local temples have hoisted large daemon statues into the air and are parading on every street corner. For the typically laid back, relaxed Balinese people I would come to know, this was quite the extraordinary celebration. Waking up the next day and being legally required to stay in your home compound and relax, I slowly tasted this new setting.

It’s a strange feeling to arrive in the tropical paradise of Bali and receive the knowing that after two years of spiritual journeying the desire to travel is finished. The universe has been mysteriously pulling me towards Bali for over a year now, without a promise of why, but a knowing that something was waiting for me. I have arrived and suddenly I want to run away, I am anxious and scared, and beginning an existential crisis. I want solitude and warm clothes and a cup of hot tea. That is not your typical response to landing in the lush garden of Bali, but for me will be a critical turning point in my inner world.

After the solid support of India’s meditation, and meeting daily with enlightened masters, I find myself adrift in the laid back waters of this tropical paradise. With smiles and yoga, raw juice and food, techno nomads and water sports at every turn, I find this life of leisure a boring routine after so many months on the road. It’s a beautiful picture of a daily world, but I am lost and must be found. My ego must answer a new question that has been building in me: “Who am I and what am I going to do in this life?” Suddenly the question of practical life has reared it’s head in asking the most fundamental questions. What do I want to do to support myself? What skills do I actually have? Can I take my dreams and ideas and do something practical about them?

I am living in a beautiful villa courtesy of my new friend Salvador. The wildly charismatic, successful, Ashtonga yogi, and restaurant builder from Los Angeles whom I met in India. He is living a perfect balance of work and play, and is an example to me in this difficult time. After slowing down an 80 hour a week restaurant life to balance his spiritual practice and work, he is flowing in the universal juices more than ever. Watching him navigate new business ideas and deals from conception to reality, making friends with yogis and strangers in cafés, and absorbing the meditation world of Osho, I’ve seen levels of synchronicity I’ve forgotten existed. It’s all just a reminder to trust more deeply, that energy flows, to live a life that you love, and embrace yourself in the mystery of existence.

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It’s hard to know the full impact my new mentor in business will make on my life, but I know that my ego took a rough couple weeks of beating before I found my balance. It’s safe to say that I’ve been living a life focused only on my inner work for the last two years. Suddenly living in this new energy of business, practical life, meditation, and creation begged me to answer the question of what do I really want to build in my life and can I overcome the fear to actually do it? The rhetoric answer has always been my sustainable meditation community and my mind fed this back to me in one hundred different ways. Despite the fact that I don’t think I have the skills needed at this moment to accomplish this entire task, I was counting on my desire and inner knowing to pull me through. I was trying to answer the question of how to do this all in my head. Plans, figures and resources needed, locations and promotional success and again and again I was driving myself into a hole of pressure and trying to answer a question that couldn’t be answered without action.

This is the quality of the ego my friends. It will take you to the depths of despair, uncertainty, and fear so that it can maintain it’s power and keep you from living the fullness of your life. Despite battling this exact scenario and foe on many occasions, it still gets the better of me from time to time. You have to let it all go. You have to trust yourself and life. And above all else you have to stop trying to answer unanswerable questions. There is an answer of course in your heart, but never in the vicious circle in your own mind.

I finally managed with the help of some outside observers and patient support to settle down and put these mental questions aside. I began slowly to focus on the present moment and support myself with positive self talk, meditation, and simple daily goals. Most importantly I just stopped trying to answer these very dear and important questions when they popped up. Wouldn’t you know that a few days later I was calmed down. I could see the beauty of Bali and I could enjoy my life again. I could find my center and my authentic longing to live life once again. I could find my prayer, and my love, so that I could express my unique presence in each activity I did no matter how small. From this place, all those important questions seem so easy and simple. A matter of one foot In front of the other and remembering this is the most important remembering one can have.

I see many people wrestling with this one issue of trying to answer some deep inner question and never finding the answer. Osho has taught me that there is no answer, but the task is to take away the question. The heart deals with how to love and express and experience life. From this place there are no problematic questions as such. There are questions like how can I be in more gratitude, how can I feel the depths and heights of this human life, how can I better serve humanity, how can I be one with the universe, God, and love? These are also unanswerable questions, but the quality is instead a deepening and expanding of the life force. It makes you feel good to wonder these things. Alternatively trying to answer, what to do, am I good enough, and can I trust I’ll be taken care of deplete this vital source of happiness and energy to the point we fall asleep in life and forget the beauty that surrounds us.

As I woke up myself, I woke up to Bali. The food was better tasting, the people more loving, the whole situation was a pleasure to find myself in. I promptly took a vacation to the beach to surf and scuba for a few days. Out of the hustle of Ubud and the entrepreneurs, I finally relaxed into beach life and the beautiful meditation that is scuba diving. Spending my mornings exploring a vast, mesmerizing, alien world while floating in three dimensions is nothing short of meditation. Breath in, breath out, float up, float down, repeat. In those depths I found myself again and my efforts of centering were only growing more and more. I suddenly had three days left in Bali and the beauty had just found my heart.

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*Courtesy of Carolyn McDonough

Perhaps it is knowing that something is going to end that helps make it all the more beautiful. We could cling instead to what is departing and suffer the inevitable outcome or embrace the fleeting beauty of experience. My ego has a pattern that has become quite familiar to me when it is time to leave a place. It tries to have every good experience again squeezed into just the final days. This is most often expressed by trying to eat every delicious food I know of. Such a silly idea because you just create a belly ache and then none of the food tastes good anymore. This is the egos way of trying to have everything, and in reality keeping you from accomplishing anything. I’ve settled on going completely against this notion and try to have an entirely new day of experiences on my last day. New experiences are ultimately the only kind of experience we can have and any attempt at repeating one is met sadly with lackluster results.

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Salvador, Maria, new friend Jamie, and myself took a beautiful morning ride through Bali’s rice fields and palm trees to say goodbye to beloved yogi friends and master teachers. Followed by a trip to puri nugong kawi to sample the meditation caves of monks long past. Our real goal was the secret waterfall behind the temple where we plunge into the cold waters on this bright morning and feel the power of nature and come alive in her magnificence.

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My favorite experience it turns out is the Balinese water temple. You take a prayer Into the waters and before the twelve holy spouts you dunk your head and cleanse your heart. With each successful cleansing the prayer gets deeper and deeper. More longing and truth come out and you end up with the most beautiful process of cleansing your heart and knowing you are one with God. All the things you want, all that you are grateful for, all the love you wish to experience has been felt in that cold rush of holy water. Cold and wet, but perfectly happy, I can feel why ceremony is so important to the Balinese lifestyle.

We finish this spectacular last day with a long planned visit to mosaic. The most expensive restaurant on Bali and one of the best restaurants of south east Asia. While only moderately priced for western standards, this meal blows me away. Over 40 people have a hand in each dish, with expert execution and an emphasis on local flavors, this is easily one of the best meals of my life. Each plate has so many perfectly balanced elements to delight the senses I am in awe of how much effort went into each plate and there will be ten of them, for each of us, depending on our dietary preferences.

During this meal a strange thing occurred, but of course was orchestrated by the universe for my benefit. Having 12 people, we were split into two tables and my preference was to sit with my new friends and a particularly interesting gentleman with sufi background that I wished to know better. As such, it turned out I would sit with Maria, Sal, and three new friends, two of whom are from Kansas City. Small talk was polite and semi interesting, but the bomb came when Maria and I finally had a talk about our time spent here and the energetic issues we could never quite talk about with any depth. Often times you need a friend or even stranger to help you see the patterns which are obvious to an outsider yet oblivious to yourself. Thus the crux of my reason for being in Bali was made known to me.

I don’t know what the center of my power and identity of self is. Maria, thankfully a master in her own sense of identity, let the axe fall so to speak and gave me a strong dose of truth. It takes a strong person to deliver that kind of truth and be comfortable doing so. It is true that when I arrived in Bali I could not find my support, the base on which I could stand and be relaxed in my self. In India, Osho holds that place of support which I now understand more fully why I feel so comfortable there. This lesson is about being out in the world and finding my own inner support that doesn’t waver. Maria needed support as well and when we turned to each other in Bali and couldn’t support the other, problems arose. Our mutual support turned out to be Salvador who was a rock of joy and enthusiasm for living life each day in paradise. While I was struggling to find myself and battling my ego I did learn a few things.

Trying to answer a question in your head, for example brooding about something, is useless as the answer cannot exist there. If it did, you would have answered it, but since it isn’t, that is the egos way of running you in a circle to assert its importance and generally just tire you out. Remedy; put aside that thought entirely and replace it with action or positive self talk or prayer.

Laziness comes in many forms. If you cannot constantly apply yourself in your own life, slowly a type of sleep begins to master parts of your life. I was living more in thoughts and dreams than being active in creating the life I wanted. I needed to be more myself and take some risks. For fear of upsetting another person or some imagined status quo, I lazily placated myself and everyone by being “the good boy”. Sometimes you just have to stir the pot and be a bit crazy; upset some people, say something daring, be exciting. There is no need to be mean, but without poking people or yourself at times, you become lazy to your own growth and fall asleep.

What is your base of support and are you in control of it? I mean, is your base located inside or outside of yourself. Mine has been an external support, that of meditation and community. To bring that locus of control inside, to an internal support is a self growth exercise. Finding out what you can stand on is vital to branching out while being in your authentic power. This is where the confidence to support yourself, emotionally, spiritually, and materially comes into play. With that deep knowing, you are able to rest in your natural self and apply yourself in any endeavor.

I have struggled with this area of personal identity. With so much meditation and letting go of attachments, my cunning ego also found ways to exist with this new spiritual mindset. When you let go of excitement, curiosity, wonder, preferences, new ideas, and expansion, you begin to live a flat life, not a real life of non-attachment. Non attachment is a very positive state, you can delight in all things, especially the small things. Somewhere I forgot this state of being. The spiritual journey is full of dangers without any guarantee of being found. Which makes the process of being found such a wonderful experience. The more I wake up to the fact I was sleeping, the more I enjoy my own process of waking up.

That is the whole trick I believe. Once you start on the road of waking up one step at a time, everything will find its own place. Allow the beauty to be your focus and put all the concerns of the mind to the side. Bali was a wake up call, ripe with hidden teachers and lessons. It doesn’t take traveling halfway across the planet to learn these lessons, you can wake up to your life right where you are. It takes a little focus, it takes a little effort, and in the end you keep taking it one step at a time.

Bali was about finding balance between the internal and the external. It started a new dialogue that will move me along the path. I am thankful to all the teachers and strangers who stepped on my path to show me the way. Those that help remind me to keep waking up, to keep moving forward, to keep shining my own beautiful light, because one day I will realize myself and that will make all the difference.

Many blessings to you and your journey. May you find your way happily.

Life with the masters in Rishikesh

Posted on July 29, 2015 by japanesecrouton

Leaving an Osho community is always a strange and powerful experience that one must inevitably conclude their trip with. Whether you jump right back into what you knew as life before or simply move to another experience on your journey, the shift can be quite surprising. Thankfully this year I have a more balanced plan of action. I will take a pause from life inside the resort to learn Ayurvedic energy massage while still visiting once a week, followed by a trip to the beach in Goa, then to be continued with a month in Rishikesh sitting with enlightened masters in satsang. This feels like it might be enough of a step down to mellow out the sharp effects of leaving the Osho community this year.

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*Got to do a little advertising with my face

I take my high on life energy from completing the Path of Love course and gently turn its open heart energies into learning hands on massage. From the first day, first lesson, first touch, I am in love with this practice. I have known my teacher for only a year now, but his presence and energy was overwhelming from the very first meeting. The beauty of Shikha’s massage technique, besides being completely relaxing, is to take the recipient into their own space of inner silence. The first time he laid his hands on me in the middle of the massage and suddenly dropped into a deep space of “I don’t know where I am anymore”, I was hooked. When I asked what he did at that point he only smiled as if to say, “isn’t that magical?”

The method of this massage is using Ayurveda to touch the energetic and emotional blocks in the body and gently dissolve them. I felt that I wasn’t really receiving instructions so much as directly receiving the information from the body and wisdom directly from the heart of the master. On quite a few occasions deep energy blocks were touched an healed with accompanying tears, laughter, shouting, or other surprises. The depth of our attention and intention was the most important factor in this learning, as if we were just becoming channels for the healing energies through our bodies and hands. I know that often two hours of time would just disappear into massaging my partner and I would finish with more energy and love than I had begun with. I have found massage to be a healing outlet for my hands in which I can share all my talents in both giving and receiving. Wrapping up training with many compliments and love all around, and after a wonderful day of happy goodbyes at Osho, I left for the beach with a song in my heart and a dance in my step

Goa rushed into my experience in the dawn light of waves crashing on cliffs. I found accommodation as one does, and began running into familiar faces from my first 10 minutes. Goa is filled with sandy beaches, lively hippies, Russian families, artists and musicians, as well as the yoga and meditation crowd. I ran into my good friends Kimberli and Ben on the main road on a whim. They were meeting me in India for the first time from Europe and of course just bumped into each other on the street. We spent our days watching the waves crash onto the rocks, reading books, mid day siestas, walking the beach at sunset, and long conversations over dinner right on the beach. Somehow nine days disappeared into memory so quickly, but we all had a small issue with the energy here.

My mornings were the best, waking before the sun and greeting it with my daily stretching. Meditation followed and from here the day went downhill, ending with sleeping the middle of the day away and slowly coming back to enjoy sunset and dinner. I thought this was perhaps my issue having just left Osho, but both my friends were similarly affected. Granted it was hot in the middle of the day, but our energies were just depleted in this lifestyle. There are many people who enjoy the daily pace of drinking, mingling, and generally having less direction as beach culture usually dictates. For me, this was pure torture and I could never settle into aimless beach life. I tried some of the classes there, but only my circus arts, dancing, and good conversation carried the day. I came to the conclusion that the energy of Goa is such that it is very surface oriented. The depth is missing, and for me, the quest for depth is all that matters. I could have continued to live out some more days in this easy life, but that underlying pressure I couldn’t identify just kept derailing me. So a few days early we decided to jump ship and travel north to Rishikesh, my next and final destination in India; the birthplace of yoga and hub of enlightened masters giving daily teachings on walking the path to enlightenment.

We took the train. The 48 hour train. Sitting in general seating sometimes, but otherwise getting a real taste of Indian culture. From cramming people in train cars like we were escaping a war zone, to the lack of public sanitation, making friends and being invited over for dinner along the way, we experienced it all. It could have been done faster, but we booked all our tickets last minute and were lucky in this sense. We only had to sit in over packed general seating for 8 hours, sneak 3 people into two bunks for 12 hours, and besides sharing our paid for seats with loads of free riders, chai whallas, and train performers we enjoyed our long journey.

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We witnessed an interesting event of Mumbai guards forcing Indian passengers to queue for the train. Normally in India people have never heard of a line. If you can make your way to the front then you do so. Sort of an external affirmation of getting ahead in life. This also happens to be the most common excuse for why everyone tries to cheat you with a loving smile. So watching these poor people stand in line and board one by one, the agonizing pain in their faces of waiting, the desperate bid to push the guy in front of you, or cut line when no one was looking; just to get seated a bit faster and feel you accomplished something was the most interesting cultural experience.

We arrived in Rishikesh on a drizzly evening and I knew at once I had arrived home. The beautiful Ganga river splits the colorful village of Laxman Jhula in half with a back drop of tree filled mountains. We crossed the foot bridge and stopping into every place of accommodation managed to locate acceptably unacceptable lodging for the first night. We located a wonderful bakery which became our standard daily haunt and with warm ginger-lemon-honey drinks, breathed a sigh of relief.

Rishikesh, the birthplace of yoga, was holding an international festival to this now popular method of self discovery. Besides being home at this time to enlightened masters such as Mooji, Prem baba, Shantimaya, and Swami Atmanada, I felt quite blessed to be surrounded by such a collection of people with dedication and insight into the nature of being human. I would settle into a comfortable schedule of sitting with the masters and listening to discourse, discussions with friends, and enjoying the local food and scenery. I have taken it as a good sign of being in your place when you happily rise with the sun and are energized to begin your day with yoga, meditation, a cup of tea, or any other ritual that brings a smile to your face and heart about the coming day.

*The real holi festival, celebrating the colors of the heart

It is here, surrounded by many friends from around the world and Osho, that I feel most at home energetically in a long time. I have a purpose in meeting the masters each day. I have found the wonderful practice of kirtan, chanting holy mantras or devotional songs, and often cry with gratitude singing from my heart. The crisp mountain air, the pale blue waters, and the easy life in Rishikesh all appeal to me and is now my home outside of Osho. It feels somehow cleaner here and that may have to do with the mountain air or the recycling programs which were started not to long ago. No one hustles you into their shop, instead allowing you to peruse at your own speed which ironically leads you to purchasing something. There are waterfalls and beautiful hikes to explore and yoga classes everywhere.

I came here to spend time with the masters and experience what being in the presence of an enlightened being is like. I wanted to know what it felt like to be near such a person and what their message was. I found out quickly that my expectation was far off the mark, as an enlightened person is as normal a person as anyone. They ride scooters, go shopping, talk with people and share their breakfast table with you when the restaurant is full, as happened with Mooji and myself. They also speak to a handful or thousands of people a day to share one message of unity. Each has their own way of sharing this message that is colored by the life they have lived. Not everyone speaks the same way and I feel that is a wonderful blessing. Just as there are many ways to the truth so are there many teachers who’s message will appeal to certain people. I’ve heard this message, I know this message, Its good to hear it again, but I also know all that is left to me is to find a master to devote myself to and to practice the message each day. I will share a few bits of wisdom gained in my time here, but one incident is worth pointing out.

Darshan, or meeting with the master, often happens after the discourse is finished. People line up to be touched by the master, or to give thanks, or receive a blessing of some sort. On my first day in Rishikesh I managed to meet Mooji in such a line. His eyes were sparkling, moving gracefully and slowly through this ever thickening crowd, I wondered if he would see me one row back when he turned right to me, placed his hand full on my forehead and then over to my cheek and moved on down the line. I was a bit dumbstruck at my good fortune, but more by the presence of his touch. There was a weight to his touch and hand that conveyed his message as much as his words. He seemed to touch everything, either with his gaze or touch, with the compassion that you were of the utmost importance and worthy of the full attention of the universe. It filled me with the wish that I could touch everything in my life with such a presence, such totality. It was a great gift and reminder of the power of presence and attention mixed with pure love. It was worth the whole trip.

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Most of the teachings I listened to, Mooji and swami atmananda, were of the Advaita school of non duality. A process of self inquiry into the nature of the self to discover the unity of consciousness through awareness. Asking “Who am I?” or “Who is having this thought/experience/feeling?” is a good way to begin this process. If some object can be seen or some experience felt then something must witness it and thus you are not what is seen. This witness is ever present and the realization of such a state is the liberation of the self. These kinds of discourses were somewhat belonging to the mental realm, but effective in their goal. Other methods such as bhakti (love), which focus on loving devotional practices like kirtan, prayer, dance, and pure devotional ceremonies was a new and wonderful experience for me. Embracing my new moniker of Premraj (ruled by love), I found the bhakti practices deeply touching and a straight connection to the divine. I suppose one needs balance even in the way of meditation.

Here are a few quotes from my time in Rishikesh along with quotes from Osho whom I was also reading.

“The seed cannot relax, only the flower can relax. The seed is trembling, whether it will become actual, will it find the right soil, right climate, right sky, or will it simply die without being born?” – Osho

“Your mind wants enlightenment and to feel the experience of it. Enlightenment isn’t a feeling. It is the self before the mind existed and thus can never be experienced or grasped by the mind.” – Swami Atmananda

“Lack of attention dies up the personality like a plant with no water. Naturally.” – Mooji

“You need nothing to be happy, you need something to be sad. Make space to be happy for no reason.” – Mooji

“After a state of tasting the honey of life comes a change and suddenly the taste is gone. Now you must become the honey without the taste of honey. Let go of the desire to experience and taste, just become the awareness. It is a growth. The flower isn’t attached to its own smell. The peace you felt may be gone, but you are that peace itself. If there is one that is still enjoying the experience, even with full awareness, then there is still duality. Try to move to the pure awareness and become that awareness only.” – Swami Atmananda

“The bee of life is not attached to any flower. It simply moves where the flower invites it. It has freedom.” – Osho

“Surrender and effort. When you see that all effort is in fact an acknowledgement of duality, then non doing happens and surrender begins as the way to inhabit the presence.” – Swami Atmananda

“To abide in the heart, the presence, the watcher. If you find a way there, keep it and keep practicing it. No need to keep searching for another method.” Swami Atmananda

“Be together with her, the commitment is towards love, not the woman. When happiness is gone say thank you and move on. The moment something is no longer appealing, has lost the quality of allurement, of enchantment, is no longer magnetic, then don’t cling to it. Feel grateful for the past and move on.” – Osho

“There are two birds sitting in a tree. The first bird is very busy building a nest. The second bird is above on a branch watching the first bird be so busy. This is the mind and the meditative watcher. Then there is a presence which isn’t a bird at all, watching the whole scene unfold. That is your unified essence, your pure consciousness.” – Mooji

“Even once enlightenment has occurred, it can still take time to drop the mind, personality, and habits. You see them as powerless as each arises, but still they arise until full integration happens.” – Swami Atmananda

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These were just a few samples of comments that struck me. Listening to the masters is like constantly being reminded there is more in life and you already have it. There is nothing to do because you are already that which you seek. Only recognizing is possible, only realization of this truth. That is not to say that effort isn’t needed to create the situation where realization can occur, but no work is needed or can be done on your ultimate self. These satsang helped center me each day on the remembrance that I am not my environment, thoughts, feelings, and problems. I am the essence behind all that watching it unfold. Watching is certainly the right word, for when you can watch yourself move through the ups and downs of life and really just watch it happen as if to somebody else, there is a contentment and happiness that arises which cannot be taken away.

Abide in the heart and experience the truth. You are the force of love, in this moment and always. Finding and being reminded of the way and truth will always bring a clam knowing that you can walk your path. Rishikesh was a wonderful culmination of spiritual traditions and practice among friends and strangers all drawn to this wonderful community. It has become a must stop on the road to enlightenment with so much packed into such a small shining city. May you be fortunate enough to taste the essence of a living master who can help show you a way to truth.

Blessings on your journey.

premraj

Finding myself in The Path of Love

Posted on July 5, 2015 by japanesecrouton

Beloveds,

I have something to share with you

I am a self-critical, judgmental, angry, emotionally repressed, pretender. I have lived my life with a mask of being a good boy, peaceful, spiritual, grown up, with an air of having it all together in an effort to keep everyone happy and slightly removed so I would not have to feel any real emotion, commitment, or fear; to live life all on my own without any support. I lived as if this was the truth, that my mind had all the answers, that I didn’t need to change and I conveniently pushed all this to the side and kept it hidden from my consciousness. Until now; the ego can’t live forever after all.

Stepping back in time a moment, we can watch a beautiful process unfold of the universe stepping into my life to shine light on these wonderfully true aspects of myself, then stepping into the space of love, and being reborn into the beautiful essence I have always been, while dropping this mask of a personality.

I find myself once again in India, at the Osho International Meditation Resort, working as part of the staff to extend my visit. I am struggling again slightly with the money and bureaucracy issues while enjoying tremendously the meditation community of people and self-development. I am having special difficulty and insights about this thing called mind. For the first time I can clearly see the mind as a separate entity, completely it’s own thing, and wildly the most insane, ADD child, I have ever met. It picks up anything it can get its hands on, plays with it for two seconds and throws it in the corner the instant it sees something new. Not only is this really annoying, it is getting in the way of everything I love because I have no control over this tiny monkey.

Flash forward a month and a half into my experience here: I am in a high stress job, feeling burnt out on working, missing out on connecting with many friends due to no time, missing out on opportunities, and I am putting a smile on everything because that’s what I do. Suddenly, Sambhavo walks into my office, a group facilitator and friend who says:

Sambhavo: “I’ve been looking for you”

Me: “I know, you need to pay for your program”

S: “No, no, no, I am holding a spot for you in the Path of Love”

M: shocked a bit

M: “Why did you just say that to me?”

S: “I don’t know why, it just came out!”

My mind was absent, or in shock, and suddenly there were just a few steps before me. The universe just quietly pushed me along without any resistance; check the program costs, check the requirements, see if they will let me off work, fill out the paperwork, have an interview, pack up my room, find a new place to live, get cash, pay, take a breath and jump into a 7 day intensive, super secretive, most money I’ve ever spent on myself in one go process called The Path of Love.

*That’s what commitment looks like

Leading up to this huge, yet deceptively easy decision were many friends approaching me and sharing their own stories about Path of Love. I hadn’t been inquiring mind you, but many people in just a few days told me how transforming and wonderful the process was. A few good friends of mine were also going to staff on this PoL and shared their input. Somehow the universe just prepared me, without my awareness, so that when the moment came I couldn’t think about it, but rather just act out of instinct. It became the most important decision of my life and I didn’t really have to decide very much.

When you look back at your life, all the most important decisions and events aren’t planned; they just happen. It’s hard to see it at the time, but hindsight is pretty good. I felt in the moment that if I thought about what I was doing I would talk myself out of it. Instead I just walked the path laid before me with trust and knowing it felt right. 7 days later I walked out into the sunlight a new person, quite literally.

While I cannot talk about the process itself, I can share all of my realizations; the biggest being the birth of my heart centered self. Through the work I came quickly to the understanding that I have been wearing a mask my whole life. A pretenders mask of being the “good boy”, so that I might hide my authentic emotions of being angry or sad, for fear of upsetting others and not knowing their reactions. A mask aimed to keep the status quo and people at an emotionally safe distance so that I wouldn’t have to feel any pain of separation, aloneness or any of my self judgement/criticism. My biggest question going into this process was a distinction between non attachment and being shut off emotionally. I could never find a concrete answer to this difference until this course. I realized that I have lived my whole life without awareness of the depth of my emotions. Surely they exist and I experience them as I am not a robot, but my experience of them, being overpowered by them, using them, allowing them to the surface, really tasting each emotion, was completely shut down. This started as my coping mechanism from 6 years old when my parents divorced. I decided right then and there to be a grown up, to solve any problems that arose, to be a good boy and cause no trouble, not to ask for anything, and to take care of myself. Well all those things are backwards, as no child or even adult knows how to do all that, and yet I lived with this belief and strategy for 24 years, strengthening it each moment.

There came an experience in this process where after accepting these facts at a deep level and understanding how and why I behave like I do, the mask suddenly dropped. I saw myself for the first time without pretending to be something. My face was radiantly alive with joy and tears. My tension was gone. I felt as if I finally saw myself like God sees me; as a perfect creation, alive, good, full of love and peace, and that there has never been anything wrong with me ever. In that moment I knew the mask known as Torey was finished and my pure essence had begun it’s new life. I jumped into a state of newborn ecstacy, where every look, touch, taste, and thought was new. I explored everything with an aliveness and newness I’ve never known. It was so beautiful and transforming to know this energy exists in me always, along with every range of emotion, and that this is what it means to be embodied and what a gift that truly is.

Through a deep sense of longing and prayer, I also knew it was time to dedicate myself to walking this path of truth. Before, being spiritual was easy, a few meditations, reading some books, acting good and nice, and spouting off whatever lessons I had learned. Walking the path is much more difficult actually. It is a constant re-commitment to truth. To finding out who you are and how to let the divine into you. It is so much effort and courage, to burn with a passion and longing to always know the truth. The mind’s whole effort is to make life easy by putting us into the sleep of comfort. Walking the path is a constant stirring of the pot so that in fact no comfort exists for the mind, no room to take control and become master again. The heart, feeling, and pure essence are king here and the mind a tool to be used surely, but not ruler of the kingdom. To recommit yourself everyday is a true effort, using the intensity of your physical, emotional, and spiritual practices, but one I am happy to make now that I have seen the difference.

For this reason I decided to take and was given sannyas on the last day of this process to anchor this knowing. Sannyas for me was always a dedication to walking the path of truth, mediation, and awareness, but contained a special emphasis on letting go of the old and starting a new commitment. PoL gave me exactly that experience, as the personality I had carried for so long died, and my essence was born as Premraj. This new name, meaning “king of love” or “ruled by love”, serves as a constant reminder of my true essence, a guide post that will always be a reminder when I do fall asleep, to keep my heart awake, alive, and full of love. To feel the radiant spectrum of emotions that exists in me and keep digging deeper and deeper to awaken the Buddha in me. Both prem, meaning love, and raj, meaning king, would never have been names I took for myself. When I was given this name though, it was like music being played on my heart. I was given this name by someone who could see into my essence and called forth what I am. A wise and just leader, who is strong yet merciful, one who has great treasures to share, and is able to balance himself and the kingdom he overlooks with ease and with love.

*Pre Path of Love photo

After being out of the process for a few weeks I came to a new understanding of what I really gained. I’ll have to be honest first; coming back to the world from this depth of being with oneself was at once explosively amazing and slightly crushing. I exited my silence and confinement into a world of friends and loved ones who immediately saw a deep transformation in me. My presence, feeling, hugs, power, sexual energy, masculine energy, and open eyes blew everyone away. Sometimes it was too much for them, and sometimes too much for me to take a whole person so totally into my being. The very next day I had my sannyas celebration before the whole community. The crowd to hug and support me was the most anyone has seen in a long while. I had to be lifted onto the shoulders of my dear friend Adam and really feeling like a king, accept all this love and joy, to honor who I have become. This was the high followed by the low of retreating back into myself and my own space. With each new encounter, I was able to explore how I responded to the world and people. What I found, what changed in me, turned out to be only one thing. I learned how to trust myself. Suddenly I found that the fear of living life was gone. Situations where I normally would have avoided, or shut off emotionally, I could face head on without feeling scared. I could step into that space with my power and emotions intact and experience it. All my pretending and avoidance was gone and each time I kept surprising myself by doing something new.

*Post Path of Love photo

This truly was the gift I received. To trust myself, trust the guidance of the universe, to trust love and the support of all human beings who want only my highest good. A strong realization came to me during PoL, we all have fears, hurts, longings, desires, hopes, needs and while the story might be a little different we really are all the same in essence. The fact that as a species we aren’t openly talking about how we really feel is perhaps the saddest thing I have ever come to know. Such a simple, yet terrifying effort to expose ones true self, and the whole world would come to know that your neighbor is the same as you. That everyone is just as scared as you, as hurt as you, as hopeful as you, as longing for love and support as you. I look now at everyone with such compassion because I know everyone has a deep wound that they carry, and they may not know anything about it, but I do, and I can interact with them in such a way as to share great love and caring and hold a space of compassion for their being.

To be seen is what every human being really wants. To be seen with eyes of truth and be accepted for who you really are is a foundation of love. To see a person at their core and accept them for their humanness and in turn be accepted, contains all the spiritual effort one needs to practice. I saw into people and ended up making lasting friendships because nothing can shake the truth of what was witnessed. We may all slip back into being the personality we have carried for our lives, but nothing can take away the truth of seeing another clearly.

The depth of being that was experienced, the limitless amount of energy, the overwhelming support of the staff and growth in love was enough to turn me in a new direction. Understanding that this inner place of truth can be called out and touched, I want to dedicate my work to helping bring it out in myself and others. This is what holds value between human beings and has touched me as it touches every PoL participant. The effort is ongoing and once the taste of the possibilities are known, your life is changed forever. May clear communication and love flower amongst the hearts of all, until we realize we are all one essence. Love and blessings on your personal journey.

Check out the Path of Love for yourself:

http://www.pathoflove.net/

The Essential Man, Watching Your Life Unfold

Posted on January 6, 2015 by japanesecrouton

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Greetings beloveds,
I’ve recently found myself living in a state of continued joy and wish to share many realizations about being in this state of vibration and alignment.

“All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, “I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving -call it God…he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be. ” the essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish, continuously sitting on a volcano. It can erupt any moment, because he lives in a world of uncertainty and believes as if it is certain. This creates tension in his being: he knows deeps down that noting is certain. ” – Osho

What is the essential man? How does one move in the world without struggle, without doing, without wanting something for oneself? I have read this quote on many occasions referring to many different situations. It was not until recently that I experienced acutely the essence and the meaning was finally clear. The difference between an essential man and an accidental man is between watching your life unfold and trying to unfold it yourself. Watching your life unfold is like watching a movie, many things happen in the movie, but you are watching from the theater, along for the ride, knowing perhaps the direction of the story, but not actually what will happen. Trying to unfold your life is watching that same movie and trying to help change the plot and in so doing, losing sight of the overall direction. Yelling at the screen, throwing popcorn, and getting all in a huff over a simple story. Our lives are those simple stories, beautiful and special, being played out on the biggest screen we call reality. We are the actors as well as the watcher in the theater; like the movie star watching his own films. If one is relaxed while watching it unfold, enjoying whatever experience is coming, painful or joyful, then one is an essential man, in harmony with the world and oneself. An accidental man is a fighter, trying to change the script in mid sentence, upset to find out that life doesn’t work at that speed. The scene is set, the actors in place, please remember your role and try to enjoy whatever movie you find yourself in. This is the essence of peace and harmony.

I have been living in a special place since arriving in Japan just a short time ago. Before arriving, I was reintroduced to watching my own movie with a smile. I was upset because my story was going slow, so I tried to make it different and was failing miserably. I was moving frantically about trying to think my way out of my own situation. Wondering why each day I didn’t feel my best, why were the good feelings and understanding of my path I usually experienced not present with me now? Feeling lost in my direction, I wanted to do anything to get back on track or shift my experience of feeling lost. I would DO anything to have my life feel better, to release the fear and anxiety of not knowing why, except just accept the fact I was living a story and be okay with that. I had an energy reading and thankfully that nudged me back into place and my ability to see my own movie became clear to me again. How can each of us be reminded of this simple fact – to spend our energy watching our movie rather than trying to change it? Meditation has always helped me step back and see what is and be at peace with that. This time my reminder came from an energy reading which can be highly helpful. Other ways can be a change of environment or having a great conversation with a friend in a time of confusion. Taking a retreat into nature, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, a relaxing bath, exercise, or getting body work are all ways to help create a gap in our tunnel vision of trying to actively change our lives.

This is the essential point of being an essential man or woman; don’t do, try, or struggle to make your life experience that which you think you want it to be. First this indicates that what you are experiencing isn’t what you would like. This means the mind is actively trying to change the script, something is off from our general understanding of joy in our life. Deep down we are lacking in trust, fearful for our direction, because we feel we are not in control. So what to ‘do’ when doing is the wrong action? The goal is to reach a state of being where suddenly you can see that your life is just a story playing out from decisions made before hand. You want it to be different? That is perfectly okay and within your power. We have to stop the fighting of ‘doing’ because it will never change the script. The script is like the direction of your life, point yourself in the right direction and the script writes itself. This is the law of cause and effect, manifestation, and intentions. The script is your current state of affairs and to change that, you must change your direction before hand. The essential man decides his direction and then watches the movie play out. This is the essential difference, knowing and being your direction versus trying to change the experience of the moment. When you know where your movie is heading, the process of watching it unfold is fun and the joy of life. Even if your movie is heading towards a cliff, at least you can relax into the direction and like every movie you have seen before, you watch the movie star go over the cliff. You are no longer trying desperately to skip the scene with the cliff, you can even be excited about that cliff, even if your death is coming with it. Nothing is going to change the script in the short hand so we should relax and just be. Things are happening and there is no need for us to do anything.

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This doesn’t mean just sitting on the couch all day. Like the actor, you still need to respond to your life story as it is happening. Non-doing, responding, is participating in life, whatever shows up, while doing is trying to be the director. The truth is that in each moment you know who you are and will make the best decisions available to your awareness in that moment. There is no need to plan, to do, to prepare for what is coming. Live what is coming right in the moment. Try to see when you desire something to be different and again relax, and experience what is. Thinking about what to do, is exactly the opposite of the essential man. I am in fact promoting not thinking about your life or future. Thinking is using the mind to decide before hand what you want and how you want it. Responding, is using your entire essence of being to apply yourself to the situation at hand.

I recently had this hit home deeply for me. I have been enjoying Japan each day for the new experiences it brings me and simply letting show up what has been scripted for me, by my own desires and my guidance. My new direction of volunteering in a cafe with a Japanese host, has to be, simply put the most amazing experience of my life. In the small town of Yaizu there is a special community of friends that fuel a wide range of daily experiences, including my personal experience of watching life unfold where each day feels like blissful eternity, daily realizations about my own nature, feeling content with every aspect of my existence, and the special feelings growing in me for my host. Letting each day happen and accepting whatever new experiences were offered is being an essential man. The moment that I, the accidental man, decided he wanted to develop a relationship with my host on his own timescale rather than enjoying each day which had been happening with such delight, came the crash and this realization.

When you have your own private goals, something off script, secret, held back, you become and accidental man, trying to make what isn’t, so. Something as subtle as this, deciding to make a relationship happen, when before it was already happening of its own accord, took me completely out of the space of grace. How often has some simple private goal, some desire unexpressed, kept me from the relaxation of watching my life unfold? This is the real lesson of the quote above, can you distinguish when an aspect of you, ego or mind perhaps, has jumped in and started to fight the existing script rather than watching it unfold. It is such a soft difference that I never saw until now that this was the whole point. Letting go of all goals, all desires, all attachment and only setting the direction your life, is the control we actually have and should exercise. You want to have that relationship? No problem, but please watch the script unfold and don’t make any effort to create one yourself or rush to the scene where a relationship fits in perfectly. Please do set the intention and direction of your life so that a relationship is included in your movie, but leave all the actors and extras and surprises to the director of the universe. As the saying goes, let go and let God.

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The feeling of letting go of worry and control is one of deep relaxation and contentment. It is such a paradoxical idea the mind has trouble ever doing it for long periods of time. However, just like speaking and listening are different aspects of the same energy so is doing and watching. When you are speaking, you only say what you know, and when listening you can learn something new. This state of allowing something new, allowing creation to happen is the essence of watching. When you do, you are trying to make what is known continue to be known, effectively using it as a barrier to new experiences and the unknown, uncertainties of life. When we watch our life unfold, new things happen, as if by magic, and our innocence and childlike joy can run free in this type of environment. If you can have even one taste of what true watching feels like instead of doing, the whole pattern becomes clear. Once you know the essence you can always find it again. When you see that everything you want will come to you exactly when you stop trying to make it happen, the wonderful paradoxical nature of our universe opens to you.

“For once, relax a little and simply become an audience to your mind’s play.
Just look with a little detachment. Observe for a bit, but don’t spend too long in that cinema.
Then at some point, you may just come to recognize that you have watched the show many times before, and so there is no longer a need to spend any more time and money there. You will forget about it entirely.
And quite unexpectedly, you may find yourself walking along a path of unchanging joy, light and wisdom.” – Mooji

I am here to tell you as many have before me, that everything you want in life is reached when you can develop a level of awareness, in such that you know when you are watching and when you are doing. All mystics and enlightened beings continually preach awareness for this reason. They have understood that the more awareness you allow in your experience, the more you will be able to notice the essential truths of life. Practice everyday some awareness, be constantly vigilant, and without fail you will see clearly, all in one instant, the difference between watching and doing, your essential nature and the mind. When that happens, a joy will be yours that cannot be taken away, a playfulness will enter your life, a deep relaxation that all is well and taken care of. This essence is what all human being seek and often times call happiness among many other positive attributes. To participate in the unfolding of your life is the greatest freedom and yours by the nature of existence.
May you come swiftly and easily to this understanding.

May all being be happy and free.
Blessings and love,
The Wandering Monk, Scripted by the Universe

Workaway Round 2: Japan

Posted on October 12, 2014 by japanesecrouton

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My success with workaway experiences is beyond my imagination, and there are still so many opportunities available. It might be a little premature, but based on my track record, workaway attracts a certain kind of individual, both host and guest, that epitomizes the essence of traveling and trying new experiences. I find volunteering while traveling a highlight of every adventure, just like couchsurfing, you are instantly introduced into a new culture with friends and a network that often bring you fabulous new experiences. This time I am helping in a Japanese/Vietnamese cafe a few hours train ride from Tokyo, Japan. Yaizu is a small town in which it would never have crossed my mind to visit, but it isn’t the local attractions that grab your attention, its the wealth of open minded and well traveled Japanese people that will end up making this stay memorable.

I happen to have hit the traveling jackpot, being dropped into work at a little cafe in which the owner and clientele form a well rounded network of interested Japanese who wish to share various kinds of experiences with me, the foreigner. Oddly enough, I have met a fair amount of foreigners already in this small town, mostly of the ilk who have married into Japan and now live here as their primary residence. It may just be that I am 8 years older than my last visit to Japan, but everyone seems to take my presence as quite normal, often starting off in perfect Japanese as I should be expected to know the language. This is quite a difference from the last visit, where being a foreigner was more of a rare experience, and perhaps has to do with a maturity level that shows clearly on my face. This grouping of people however, mostly speak at least two languages if not four, and have traveled about as well as I have. The feeling about the place is like a grouping of friends living the small town life, but each bringing something interesting to the table.

I recall saying an interesting thing in regards to work versus play when quitting my job two years ago; I would be happy to sling noodles in Japan and not call it work, because it is a new experience for me, and that is play. It’s strange little thoughts and desires like that, which you might only be saying off hand, which the universe always finds an interesting way to answer. I find myself laughing because each day the number one dish being served is pho; Vietnamese noodle soup. While not what I imagined, it is what I asked for. As for other kitchen skills, I am now a master of spring rolls after having done well over 100 of them. No more the sloppy, lightly rolled behemoths I started with, they are well shaped, firm and dainty.

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While the learning curve for Vietnamese food isn’t very strenuous, due to my love of food and working in the kitchen, the language curve is. Thankfully my host intuitively understands how to speak Japanese to me and also speaks much better English than my level of Japanese. She has me interacting with customers from day one, and after I release my fears of speaking English or messy Japanese, I am getting along quite well. Every day a new friend comes into the cafe for lunch and I get to introduce myself and use as much communication as is possible, mostly listening, but answering when I can. Of the many friends who visit, a few expand my experience by taking me out for various things.

One day, I got to attend a tea ceremony practice session, kimono dress up and all. Watching a tea ceremony is great, as long as your legs don’t hurt too badly from sitting on them, but watching a teacher instruct students on the proper movements and etiquette is well worth attending.

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I was able to attend an after school program for the ubiquitous experience of playing with a bunch of over interested kids, wearing me out playing soccer and tag. There was a house party where everyone got to make okonomiyaki, the Osaka famous pancake. There was a ramen fest going on in the next city, Shizuoka, and I sampled these delicious variations.

I visited a yoga studio for a free class and my first kirtan, complete with a harmonium for the real Indian musical feel. Oddly enough I never experienced kirtan in India, the joyous chanting of Sanskrit, something I feel a bit remiss about and will remedy soon. Along the musical avenue, I was also fortunate to be in town for a djembe concert put on by the owners of the yoga studio.

*Photo by Dai via Air BnB, Visit Here

I was also fortunate enough to meet a new friend, Dai, who owns a traditional Japanese home over 90 years old. Dai is also a world traveler and English speaker, who uses air bnb to rent out half his property to entertain excited guests, and also works in the numerous bamboo forests, cutting 50 foot tall stalks. I was happy to visit his home and experience the beauty of this traditional cabin, if I may use that word. We were also so like minded that we surprised each other by stating we will be visiting Mooji in Rishikesh at the same time this February for the wonderful experience of darshan.

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I was also lucky enough to be here at the right season for something wonderfully fall, and close to every Japanese heart; Inekari, the fall rice harvest. Once the rice has gone through the laborious process of being sprouted and planted, the mature plant is then cut down and hung over bamboo to dry. Traditionally this was done by hand which I experienced, but modern technology has produced the combine which goes to town cutting and bundling together the rice while you walk behind it. Its a family fun event which makes the work a lot easier with friends. There are all kind of bugs whose homes we are destroying so the kids have plenty to do when helping is no longer fun. Catching frogs, grasshoppers, and playing in the mud seems to be fond memories of many children in this country. With the help of about 15 people we finished two small fields which each produce about 120kg of rice. Each field is enough to feed two people for a year when only eating rice, or perhaps 3 now with bread and noodles included in the diet. It was a beautiful day that truly felt like fall to me and an experience I am grateful for.

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I would be remiss if I didn’t share my honest experience which has made this workaway something truly special. While everything I have done as part of my volunteer experience has been everything a workaway experience could be, I have been gifted something more. There is a special energy about this particular cafe, and in truth, stems from the owner. Haru-san, my wonderful host, has a special energy about her, one of tremendous joy and mirth, laughing constantly all day with many smiles, even while working long hours. This is slightly askew from the typical Japanese personality, but like everyone I’ve met through this cafe, people are a bit more open and ready to share themselves. I find myself overwhelmingly excited to wake up each day, not knowing what new experience will be offered to me today, but certain that much laughter, dancing, and smiles will accompany it. It is this overwhelmingly simple joy that surprisingly catches us both off guard and from which we begin our relationship.

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*Haru is on the right

Having been a couchsurfing host for over 200 people, I am well aware of my feelings about this type of thing in a host/guest type relationship. It has always been my private understanding that as a host I never initiate anything because that would violate the unspoken rules of providing an emotionally safe space for my guest. I am also aware that many hosts and guests end up together for various reasons which rely heavily on their mutual feelings, something I have not experienced till now. However, a guest is free to do as they please and honoring my own beliefs, shared my feelings with my host because they were honest and I would have done so no matter the outcome. Strangely enough this wonderful and busy woman, whom for her own reasons has not had time or inclination to start a relationship in recent years, surprises herself and says yes to me. This obviously changes my workaway experience in quite large terms, but I honor the ways in which the universe works and for the opportunities in which new experiences of all kinds may enter my life.

Traveling is exactly this experience. Setting your intention to go somewhere and then allowing the experience to unfold before your very eyes. It includes all those little voices of desire in your mind, and with hindsight, find that what you had asked for, was neatly wrapped up in a joyous experience you could not have planned or predicted, because originality is the joy of being surprised. As its been often said, letting new experiences happen is the key to joy. Anyone can plan a perfectly well organized vacation and pull it off, but you won’t really experience something new and worthwhile. This is key for your life lesson, let go of control, be vulnerable, and trust in yourself that whatever happens you can respond with your whole being and it will work out for the best.

Wandering into uncharted territory; the foreign relationship.

–

For your very own adventure please visit http://www.workaway.info and check back for more experiences soon.

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Wrapping Up One Year Of Travel and Learning

Posted on August 22, 2014 by japanesecrouton

I find myself where I started one year ago. Looking at the same Kansas City skyline that I left after selling everything I own and heading out into the world. The view may be the same, but I have changed and along with it my interpretation of even that skyline. I touched down in 11 countries, made countless friends, deepened my understanding about myself, and learned lessons that will shape the course of my life. My understanding has shifted and thus I view the world differently, yet, I am still uniquely myself. This is perhaps the great conundrum that all world travelers experience. We go out and are literally changed by our experiences, see everything differently, and still the essence of who we are remains. You can come to a deeper understanding and acceptance of that essence, but no experience is going to just up and change you into a different person. I always thought there was going to be something out there that would flip a switch and I could become that person I envisioned inside my head with all the perfectness. The truth is much simpler, you are already that perfect person and only our thoughts and beliefs hold us back from breaking our boundaries and living the life we wish.

*Iceland was by far the most beautiful place I visited and will be visiting again.

This was a year to find myself again. I didn’t know that I even needed finding, but when faced with daily experiences of discovering your authentic self, it becomes clear exactly what you don’t know about yourself. Meditation was a prime focus of this travel and I spent 10 silent days in a Vipassana retreat, twice, and 4 months in India with the teachings of the enlightened mystic Osho. If I can boil all the meditation down, it would be enjoy your life every moment, celebrate, be present and alive no matter how you think you feel, learn to live with your inner silence and uncomfortable feelings moment to moment without running away. The essence of all the teachings is actually the practice in reaching that state of being, and then learning to live there. When you can stand in the place of silence and just look at yourself, you can see a body having experiences and thinking thoughts and still that isnt You. Then it becomes perfectly okay to have experiences and not cover them up or distract yourself from them. They come and go and still you remain just a step outside of it all; happy and aware.

*Traveled the Swiss Alps by scenic train

I came home to an exciting burst of energy, seeing old friends and making new ones, wedding events, and family time, but what surprised me most was the lack of reverse culture shock. Unlike going to a new culture and being surprised by the differences, reverse culture shock is returning home to find that the world you thought you knew looks very alien. Instead, on this trip I’ve had a reverse personality shock. I don’t know where I belong anymore or what I should be doing. There is no home or job to anchor me, no meditation practice or community other than my friends, so I find myself in a city I’ve lived in for over 4 years and have no idea what defines me anymore. I attend the same events during the week with the same people I knew, but somehow this shows me most how this last year has changed me. I am looking for my place in the world and I know I can never settle for something less than what I’ve experienced. At the moment that is the delight of living in a meditation community, which I plan to return to before the year is over. In some ways it seems like I haven’t achieved much, because there is nothing to grab onto, but really the differences are all on the inside and those are the ones that really matter. Upon returning to Kansas City, everything here has moved along at its normal pace, but it is no longer my home. I see clearly there is nowhere to go back to, only forward, to find the right place and way for me to live. After all this traveling, and traveling I am certain to do in the years to come, I am even more dedicated to finding my place and developing something amazing.

*Climbed mountains in Germany, and could see the surrounding countries

What strikes me most about the changes in my life is the difference between what I have to call normal life and the new way of living that I’ve experienced. Normal life is perhaps the daily routine of waking, eating, doing the daily work or effort required of one, participating in your hobbies and entertainments, and just the general things that make up life on this planet. Almost everyone lives their variation of this pattern that hopefully brings them great contentment. I used to be content and fulfilled by my normal life, waking most mornings glad to be alive and even excited to just have a cup of tea, embrace the day, and take a morning walk before going to work. Somewhere on this journey that changed; no longer having a home I wasn’t in my groove doing those simple things that brought me great pleasure and contentment. I have and enjoy even more simple pleasures while traveling, but no routine that brings me joy. Even now, still living a life of ease, I am missing that feeling which embraced me each day. To the best of my understanding this is the result of not having or being challenged and missing my connection to something greater than myself. Without a goal to work on, such as a job or project I care about, there is no push to grow, to learn and better myself each day. Likewise I find that without my daily personal development or global development of community and the bettering of humanity, I equally am not challenged to grow. I found a bigger expression of myself in Inida that required of me to participate with all of the people involved there. Before I could go about my day alone and was content unto myself, but once this experience of community and connection was established, going back to something less just doesn’t give me enough anymore. This is why I want to return to India so much, to grow and feed myself in this area. Then it is my hope to be able to expand this experience and grow it into my own dream of living a connected life. All human beings I think hunger in some way for this connection and we are just waking up to the fact that with our new societal development we have forgotten for a time what real connection is and the joy that comes with it.

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*Meeting beloved Osho friends in their home countries, Norway

Hindsight is a wonderful teacher, which today teaches me that the simplest decisions and the reasons for making them can change your whole world. In essence I made a simple decision in India and I am living the consequences today. One month prior to leaving the Pune Meditation Resort, I agreed to join my friends for a month in Dharamshala. This created “The Plan”, which after Dharamshala would take me to Germany for two months with a good friend of mine, then two weeks travel in Northern Europe. All of the plan was decided in roughly one moment and when the actual moment to follow the plan or change it came, I just stuck with the plan. In that moment of decision, at the end of my three months in Pune, not only was everyone and every experience telling me I should stay, my own inner voice and gut feeling was that I should stay. For fear of changing the plan and following my heart, which would have cost me money on plane tickets and a prepaid meditation program, plus the gut wrenching feeling of bailing on my friends and partner last minute, I ignored how I was feeling and followed a decision I made a month prior. Had those other considerations not been present, the decision would have been easy, but the lesson was, can I follow my inner truth when it is going to cost me something? The answer at that time was obviously no, but now looking back over what unfolded I wont make that same decision twice. Following your energy and power is so important because it leads you to the right places and experiences that you can thrive in. When I said no to that inner voice, I lost my power and over the following three months ran dry, and life eventually became a little flat. I still enjoyed the experiences that I had, but I could have really enjoyed them with my energy intact. It is so clear to me that I was afraid to do what was best for me and energetically I paid the price. So I am headed back to Pune and I am moving away from plans, and if I do end up with a plan, I will trust that I can change it in a heartbeat without fear. I have given myself the freedom and time to honor what I feel and follow that direction. Everyone can look at their life right now and see places where they avoid what they really want. I am asking everyone to start doing what you really want, even in small ways, because the alternative feels pretty flat, pretty lifeless, and once you are there, getting back to ecstatic takes some work and effort.

*First sun seen in Iceland after two days of rain which setup my favorite day of the year

I’ve concluded there are two types of travel experiences, loosely called 1st world and 3rd world because that is where they occur. A 1st world experience is generally Europe, organized, clean, expensive, historical beauty in buildings, and whatever experience you wish for generally is going to cost you money, from entertainment to food. A 3rd world experience is generally a bit messy, cheap, naturally beautiful, and the thought of money barely crosses your mind. Both are equally wonderful experiences, but the difference between them is vast and gets right to the core of expectations for levels of comfort and the psychological effects of money. For those with a more limited budget for travel, they find their dollars stretching farther outside of the 1st world countries and from their perspective perhaps live in a level of comfort unaccustomed. This can be a huge psychological experience, because for the first time you are allowed the freedom to experience all that you wish. If you want to eat this and that, taxi here and there, buy gifts and clothes, it doesn’t cost you mental anguish to add up the costs and then balance that against how much work you have to do to pay for it. You might for the first time experience money as an energy source, instead of a commodity, and using it like any other energy source for the betterment of your life experience. Likewise, traveling where your dollar goes for less, has you scrambling for the cheapest options, making sandwiches at home just so you can spend another day in the 1st world experience. Both are needed to understand the effect money plays on our perception of happiness in doing the things we want in life. Personally I like a mix of both experiences, but prefer on the whole the relaxed attitude of 3rd world living, with beautiful surroundings and no stress about money. There is just as much culture, and many more smiles while interacting with the locals, and when you train your eye on how locals get by each day with so few material resources, but so much happiness, you can really experience the freedom of money and learn to enjoy every day in a new way.

*The best apple pie in Amsterdam, a new favorite city of mine

While traveling with a lot of free time, you can always find something to do, but just being present with yourself is a wonderful gift. On the many trains, planes, and waiting rooms I found that I wasn’t putting in my headphones for music right away or checking Facebook. I would just sit and be patient and enjoy my own presence; not needing something to do or a distraction just to “kill some time”, instead enjoying just being alive in that moment of waiting. The interesting thing is the correlation between how present you are and the urge for distraction. I notice most acutely when the time to meditate arises and some urge also arises to check anything on my phone for any distraction. Why this postponement? A surge of anxiety arises over being present with myself as if the ego knows its being removed from its throne. It is a battle with my mind each time, and the more present I am, the easier it is to take a few moments and reach that place of joyous centeredness. The paradox is that meditation brings the real joy, but the hurdle is to forgo the distractions and entertainments that falsely promise happiness to simply reach it. Upon reaching that presence, you can enjoy those distractions even more so, if you choose, because you come from the place of presence and not of using the distractions to cover some feeling of emotion. Vipassana taught me that when we desire something, it usually isnt the object itself, but we desire the sensation of desiring itself, and we think the object will bring it to us. So when a feeling arises we chase after the externalization of that feeling to satiate it instead of seeing the truth of just being with the feeling and seeing it for what it is. This is the hurdle to doing almost anything in life, be it meditation or going to the gym. So more than anything, I’ve learned when this feeling of not wanting to meditate exists, I am overdue to sit down, meditate and reach my calm once again to see the world clearly. There will always be a multitude of interesting and entertaining things vying for your attention, but it fundamentally comes down to how do you wish to spend your time on this earth? Once you taste the beauty of your inner world, any worldly distractions begin to pale in comparison to really living life. Just like cutting sugar out of your diet leads to everything else tasting incredibly delicious, removing these other distractions leaves you with more time and space to enjoy your own delicious presence of being.

*Meditative dancing in India, also used for a promotional photo seen by thousands of people, which surprised me

I have had to remember this myself after leaving India. After a daily schedule of meditation, going back to doing it all on your own takes some serious discipline. Traveling once again brought many distractions and riding that excitement I left my meditation practice a bit behind. This led to a bit of confusion and feeling lost in my direction of life which is one of my biggest challenges. As I find myself a bit of a fish out of water, I have to trust that I always carry the keys to my own happiness and they are but a few silent moments away from being with myself. It is a lifelong practice to be who you are and do what you love. Finding out what really excites you is the first half, then learning how to live that life each day is the rest of the task. The more truth we can experience about what really speaks to our hearts, what really lights up our faces, and makes us jump for joy, the closer we are to living a meditative lifestyle. I hope everyone has found at least one thing that has that flavor for them, because once you know the taste, there is no going back to a bland life. Blessings and joy to everyone on their journey and may all beings be happy.

Torey

The Wandering Monk

A special thank you to everyone who hosted me in their homes, couches, hearts, and lives. Without your support and encouragement I never would have had the year I did and all of the new experiences. I love you all and it still brings tears to my eyes remembering what it feels like to be so taken care of instead of the other way around.

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*Being silly with my best friend Tate in Germany, “Up all night to pet puppies!”

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*Amsterdam round two with friends this time

*Met Mo and David on my first workaway experience in France, a new beloved mentor

*Seeing good friends and new loves in Belgium! Plus waffles and frites

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*Our beloved cheese master who treated us like family and introduced me to my new favorite cheeses, bare kase from Switzerland

*Went under the knife of brave friends in Switzerland when my hair got unruly

*Explored the beautiful canals of Venice, and checked off the first part of Eat, Pray, Love

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*Visited the Taj Mahal at the end of India, and another check for Eat, Pray, Love

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*Jumped into the freezing waters of Norway!

India, The Meditation Experience

Posted on July 16, 2014 by japanesecrouton

Welcome to Travels in India: Meditation and the Crazy Enlightened Mystic, Osho

If you are going to learn one thing at the OSHO International Meditation Resort, it is going to be dancing. Wild, ecstatic, flowing, celebrating, at all hours of the day, dancing is happening, begging for your participation. The lesson here being, if you can celebrate life and dance, then you are alive in the moment. Most dynamic meditations here contain some form of dancing and the highlight of the day, evening meeting, begins and ends with dancing. Osho created these meditations to help people create space between the body/mind and your watcher, otherwise known as your intrinsic Buddha. With this space, one may experience their authentic nature, of silence, happiness, and being centered. One does not need to go anywhere, only turning in, realizing your own self, taking just one step and you are there. We practice the art of living, to see our habit patterns and how to live with our watcher intact. This creates the gap, the experiential wisdom of knowing you are not the body or the mind, and thus transformation, inspiration, and all sorts of emotions can come forth and leave you feeling peaceful, happy, and above all else, alive.

I jumped into resort life with both feet, 8 months prior to arriving, when I decided this was the decision that would help me quit my job and give me the next step. I had no idea what really went on here, and I wanted no information either. To come with the least amount of expectations so that I could experience what is, instead of what I wanted it to be in my mind. The first hurdle for my self transformation was actually getting the desire to go to India. My fears of this famous country, known for meditation, always held me back, but they were unfounded. There is extreme poverty and trash everywhere, but also beautiful landscapes, perfect temperatures, many smiles and friendly people. I decided to join the Work as Meditation program for 90 days and just give it the best go. I work for 6 hours a day to receive a lowered price at the resort and be part of the staff. Like everyone else here, visitor, worker, and teacher alike, we all pay to be present and experience the magic of this place. This was the first hurdle for my western mind, I am paying to work. I can rationalize it, knowing I also get to live at a resort and meditate the rest of my day, but money, money, money were my thoughts. Of course this is part of the work as meditation purpose, to watch your mind, and my mind couldn’t stop calculating prices and value. For the first days I was plagued with these kinds of thoughts, trying to turn this beautiful experience into dollars per hour. In the end, relaxing into the daily life of work and meditation healed me of all these woes and the real priceless value came shining through.

The greatest realization I’ve had during my visit here is what living in a community of meditators feels like. Beforehand, I didn’t even realize that I would be practicing part of my future way of life while being here, and what ive found confirms my beliefs: This is the lifestyle for me. Unlike daily life in the modern world, everyone here understands the basic principal on which we all operate. It matters not where you come from, what you believe, or even what you know; everyone understands that we are all developing ourselves. If you are having an expressive joyous day, someone is there to support and join you. If you are having a silent day and really working on something personal, everyone allows you your space to discover yourself. It is a unique experience to know who is here, but never know if and how you can interact with them each day. Perhaps you had plans for lunch, but you find your friends are all wearing silence badges on that day without telling you. You really learn to focus on yourself, on being total in expressing yourself and your desires, moment to moment. Every day brings something new and you practice not planning for the future or some daily habit pattern. Even though I work 6 hours a day, I can’t tell you with any certainty what the day will bring me. Often I am roped into something fun, there is a taster class to attend, lunch with different people, and the best part is that I never know how I will feel when I wake up, but whatever that feeling is, I have all day to fully express it, because tomorrow it will change. There have been days of laughter and days of silence, days of peaceful awareness and days of rushed anxiety. Learning to really embrace whatever shows up, in work, in friendship, in community, and in your heart is the root of the biggest realization here. I know now that living in this way, from moment to moment with a group of people who all desire at the basic level to develop themselves is the answer to what I am looking for in a lifestyle.

The next major realization is the new meditation techniques I have been practicing here. Having done mainly silent sitting meditations over the last 2 years, I was in for a shock at the OSHO Resort. Osho created many meditations and meditative therapies, but the 3 daily core meditations are Dynamic*, Kundalini**, and Evening meeting***. I had just finished a 10 day silent Vipassana course before arriving here and I couldn’t have prepared for a more abrupt 180 degree turn. The meditations here are designed to do what Vipassana does slowly and with awareness, abruptly and directly. What I learned and discovered is that both techniques use one basic principal: The body sensations and the sub-conscious mind are linked. If you feel something coming up from the sub-conscious you will feel it in your body, and if you feel something on your body it will go into your subconscious. This is called the bodymind, which is one thing, not two separate things. This explains the celebratory dancing here. If your dance is a celebration, your inner being becomes a celebration. Dance when you don’t feel like it. Smile when you don’t feel like it. This will change your inner being. I stopped a 2 year practice of daily silent sitting to see what being total in this experience could give me. What I found is that the meditations which often look like exercise or wild dancing, if you peek from your blindfold, are actually deeply working processes transforming the inner world. Learning to express yourself in Dynamic though wild catharsis, starts to break down the walls of suppression in a quick and real way that transforms many people instantly. I feel that if I have learned one thing in the physical realm it is how to express myself better. This doesn’t mean just through my words, this means expressing my authentic inner self in all dimensions. If anger is there, if happiness is there, sadness, laughter, joy, tears, anxiety is there, express it, look at it, examine it, but just don’t suppress it. So often in our society we learn from childhood to present ourselves in a certain way, to create a personality. We are not allowed to yell at other people and then be friends again the next moment; or to laugh or cry when we feel the urge, but society deems it inappropriate. The need to express is still very real, but we just tuck it away for later. But later never comes and years later you find yourself a mess of confusion and emotions with no exit valve. This whole experience is learning your natural exhaust valve and how to come back to your authentic self. To see your conditioning given to you by society and family and choose consciously what you want to carry and what you want to drop. I struggled at first with dropping my silence, and habit pattern for the last 2 years, but quickly learned that I didn’t know how to really express my true emotions. Silence is fantastic, but it needs to be balanced against emotional aliveness. Osho taught a mixture of “Zorba the Buddha”. Zorba the Greek knew how to enjoy the pleasures of life, and Buddha knew how to enjoy the silence of your eternal centeredness. Osho teaches that both are incomplete, both need each other in one being, that is the whole Man/Woman.

The next realizations are all a mix of personal work done though the lens of being at a Meditation Retreat. Every day is a day to work on yourself; every moment and interaction is a time to develop yourself. As long as you keep looking back at yourself and embracing any uncomfortable feelings, progress is astounding. At first I started manifesting connections to people, to make some friends and have conversations around meditation. As I found my first friends and began feeling very comfortable and available to open myself, I then decided to manifest more experiences containing flirting. I had been in a state of introverted silence so long that to think about flirting with anyone, was something I actually needed to work on. I didn’t want anything other than fun, playful, cute, and connected flirting and for this reason the manifestation was fully welcomed and explored. All the cute ladies, older women, and male friends flocked to my new desire instantly and hugs and kisses abounded. To feel loved every time you encounter someone just makes your day. The quality of flirting with people and life itself is such a beautiful experience that to carry this quality of aliveness with you is a blessing and a gift. Then New Years arrived and things changed. While I was holding my energy and desire clearly, the effect on others was not so contained. So from my fears of moving into a sexual relationship, a wonderful Chinese girl by the name of Sangeetam became my partner. We moved seamlessly into relationship as if this had been arranged. It had been a long standing intention to manifest a partner in which to grow meditatively and lovingly. I knew something was arranged for me at the OSHO Resort, and I can clearly say this was it. We met with the same kinds of knowing about meditation and relationships, understanding we are both here to work on ourselves and see how we can develop. The precipice of our bond was not physical attraction, but the calm knowing of two quiet souls meeting and knowing this was not the first time. What came next was an expedition into the fears I hold around relationship, boundaries, responsibility, and most importantly opening to love.

Ah, relationships, I can’t even say I know what I am doing because I don’t. Generally my relationships last a few months with wonderful growth which then leaves someone behind who didn’t continue to grow fast enough. As I’ve gotten older, navigating the entry and exit has become much smoother with both people knowing our purpose was completed. However, my knowing of love is only from what the masters have said on the subject. That you can only love yourself, and when that becomes enough you overflow into the world and can shower it on another. I know this to be true, because when I am in flow with the universe it is a state of grace that I can hold for myself and share with others. To be honest, i have never felt that I’ve known love growing up. I look at other relationships and I see what society tells me should be love and know that this has not been my experience. I am working on opening my emotional body and heart because I didn’t know how to be open, and thus, never could give myself totally. I could act totally, and DO things for the other that looked like what society told everyone lovers should do, but actually feeling it? I can’t say that except for a few moments in my life, I’ve felt the totality of LOVE. Love, which is this overwhelming merging of being one with the universe so totally that you forget yourself and know instantly that all is one, life is perfect and then you shower that bliss of existence on all. I have been plenty good and happy with people, even overcome with great joy and caring. I have even felt that something special you reserve for your intimate lover, but this actual truth of Love that the masters speak about, I have to admit I don’t know it, and ive never been shown it. In knowing that fact, I can at least now invite the experience to come to me as a realization and a breakthrough. As I work on myself, clearing the old debris of fear, I am making way for love to come through me and to experience whatever shows up.

From my moment to moment perspective this seems to be the major work for me here. Nothing else seems quite so hard, quite so big, or quite so rewarding. I have opened myself to a mixture of meditation and celebration, that was needed, but the deep work of opening my heart will be the greatest gift I can give myself here. Being in a relationship I have been given the perfect opportunity and partner to show me my weaknesses and also support me through my rapid growth in this area. I can clearly see the fears in my mind and instead of putting them aside and letting the relationship ultimately suffer and die, I face the uncomfortable feelings and embrace the work of changing and facing my fears and old patterns. I have seen clearly now that I have never let anyone into my emotional world before. This is partly because I don’t know how to go there myself and partly because ive been lied to and kept that lie as the truth. Due to my upbringing I never experienced what the energy of a relationship between two people really feels like. My parents divorced when I was 6 and this began a subconscious learning process of individuation that just happened to be for this lifetime. No blame to be dealt, everyone grows up in certain conditions, whether from family or society that we don’t get to control, but we do get to choose if we wish to carry it once we become conscious of the patterns. I am aware that my relationship patterning was flawed, only seeing separation and becoming an island unto myself. I kept expressing the same lie of separation over and over again, telling myself that this is just how I am and my authentic emotional connection to people was just missing. Well, now thanks to this patient and strong woman, I can look at that patterning and instead of accepting this pattern as my natural way of being, I can drop it and see what lives underneath. As I keep stirring the pot each morning in dynamic, I can feel the layers peeling off. What is beginning to shine through feels so big, so exciting, so much needed, and I am ready to welcome whatever it is. I am beginning to feel into my heart space, I am becoming softer, and while I am nowhere near the end, I have at least started the process of something I have long questioned and long desired.

I have been hugely aided in this endeavor of self realization. Firstly, the energy of this place pushes personal growth forward at an accelerated pace. The encounters with other meditators and adhering to a daily schedule of meditation aids in the quick pace of self realization. In my own energy work, I’ve begun to work with some masters by accessing a place called the Akashic Records. This can be thought of as a giant book of everything ever done from every lifetime. In a sense it is very much like collective consciousness. In this way I have called upon the energies of Osho and Rumi, along with other masters as I see the need, and have access to their essence and energy which still exists in a very tangible way for me and the universe. Having opened their essence, they are with me through this work and Rumi is teaching me how to be transformed by love, while OSHO is working with me to realize and clear the layers of fear and conditioning that are not part of my authentic being. In conjunction with this I have set a new intention for my daily experience, “I intend to constantly bring realizations and new understandings to myself”. I had a realization that I cannot manifest or intend an experience I have never known into my reality. For instance I cannot intend the experience of enlightenment to show up tomorrow, because I don’t know what the experience is like; therefore when I ask for it, I really don’t know what I am asking for. However I do know what the experience of instant realization or insight feels like. This I can totally ask for, and since I have been asking for it, realizations have started showing up every day. In this way I can reach enlightenment or many other things on the way as I progress from the known into the unknown. So working from these three angles, this meditative environment, the wisdom and energy of the Masters, and my intention for instant realization I am reaching a new level of self development that is astonishing. It is exciting to look at yourself and realize all of a sudden that whole aspects of your self have been hidden and with a little work the door can be opened for discovery. It is an exciting time to be a meditator.

Thankfully during my visit to the resort I was able to meet and touch the lives of many people visiting from over 100 different nations. Every type of person from around the world and with many different backgrounds and stories arrived each day to try this wild place and experience first hand the crazy genius of Osho. I would love to recommend a visit to every person I meet, but the truth is that there are many pathways to the divine and I only urge each person to find what works for them. Keep a burning desire to find your truth and discovering the path is inevitable. I have been transformed by this place and my experiences over the last three months. Thankfully I am also happy to call this place and the people here my home. I will be back many times and soon, because having tasted once again the daily lifestyle of the old routine, living in a city and just going about ones daily business, I can clearly say that I would rather not waste another moment being outside of the delicious process of developing oneself surrounded by the most astounding people and environment that one can call home. A truth has been learned and can never be forgotten. I thrive in an environment of conscious meditators and now starts the long road of developing a sustainable lifestyle that enjoys this connection as its core. Blessings and happiness to all beings and may you find your own light that never falters.

In Love and Truth,

Torey, the Wandering Monk

*I got to be the official photographer for a while!

www.osho.com

*Dynamic Meditation: 1 Hour, 5 Stages

Stage 1: 10 Mins: Deep, chaotic exhaling breaths, building energy. Stage 2: 10 Mins: Explode! let your body and emotions take over and express anything that you feel. Sing, shout, dance, cry, roll around anything that you feel. Stage 3: 10 Mins: Jump up and down with arms raised overhead shouting “Hoo” each time your feet strike the ground. Stage 4: 15 Mins: Freeze! Dont make any conscious movement. Witness your inner world. Stage 5: 15 Mins: Dance. Express anything that is left and carry your aliveness with you for the rest of the day.

**Kundalini Meditation: 1 Hour, 4 Stages

Stage 1: 15 Mins: Shake. Allow your body to vibrate and shake with the energy coming up from your feet. Allow this natural shaking to occur, dont DO anything. Stage 2: 15 Mins: Dance. Allow your body to dance and move anyway it feels. Dont Do any particular dancing. Stage 3: 15 mins: Stand or sit silently and just watch your inner world. Stage 4: 15 Mins: Lie down and let go. Maintain awareness, but dont do anything, just allow.

**Evening Meeting: Various time, roughly 2 hours, 6 Stages

Stage 1: 20 Mins: Dance by yourself and celebrate life. Stage 2: 1 hour +: Listen to a discourse from Osho. Listen to the gaps between the words, not the words themselves. Anything you need to hear you will pick up on. Stage 3: 5 Mins: Laughter. Osho will tell some jokes, enjoy! Stage 4: 2 Mins: Gibberish. Speak in a language you dont know to clear your mind of rubbish. Stage 5: 10 Mins: Let go. Osho will guide you deeper into yourself to find your buddha. At one point you will “Let go” and fall over dead like a tree falling in the woods. Stage 6: 3-5 Mins: Dance and celebrate being alive.

Travels in India: Food Edition

Posted on May 21, 2014 by japanesecrouton

In case you haven’t noticed, I like food, all aspects of food; from thinking about it, making it, eating it, dissecting a dish to recreate it, looking at it, trying new tastes, and sharing it with all. It is my most accessible creative art form, and I like to care for people by feeding them. So when I get dropped into a vegetarian’s dreamland of flavors and new tastes, I’ve reached nirvana.

A little back story on the many stages of what can be called “diets”, I have gone through to arrive at this now interesting mix of healthy vegetarian. Of course I started out eating meat and thankfully I’ve tasted that delicious culinary world, but my body asked me to change directions into vegetarian. Thankfully I still have no qualms about skipping a whole category of meat inspired flavors and if my body decides meat is back on the menu, ill listen. I’ve been pescitarian (veg + fish), vegan, juiced, raw, and even skipping food all together for two weeks to try fasting. All of these experiences and seeming boundaries have only added to my love of food. The quest to eating healthy has added new foods and creativity into my diet and I’ve arrived with a good foundation of what my body wants and many delicious ways to get there. The only key to eating healthy is to listen deeply to your body (not the mind), each one is different and no set rules will always apply. How to listen? See meditation.

On my most interesting food journey, fasting, I happened to attend a feast and just watched everyone consume every delicacy. Food went in and conversation came out, but I can’t say anyone was more present than I, to appreciate the smells, looks, and possible tastes. I had an interesting perspective on that particular meal and I don’t know that I’ve enjoyed food more than being present for that experience in which I couldn’t use taste. Its the fabled popcorn down the hall smell. Never does it taste so good as when you know you wont actually eat it. Of course actually tasting food is generally more enjoyable, but learning to really be present with your food, to enjoy all aspects of it, even the mental aspects is a lesson well learned. I use a good adage “Eat every bite like the first”; Don’t rush through the meal, explore each bite with your eyes, then your mouth and taste buds, be present with each bite and be careful to watch when you eat for enjoyment or when your pleasure center in the brain takes over and eating just becomes routine, another pleasure button for lab mice. My original adage was “eat every bite like the last”, which helped me slow down, but then the meal is always over, instead of a new adventure beginning each time you lift your fork. This helps with enjoyment and portion control and never leaves you wishing for more, because each bite was a lifetime.

So enough about eating in general, the Travels in India: Food Edition can officially begin and what could be better for a vegetarian foodie than traveling to India? Not only are the menus extensive and different from region to region, but you just can’t beat the prices. I thought I liked Indian food before going abroad, but after eating my fill, I honestly only want more. Thankfully I have been able to sample most of the world’s cuisines, but I must say I could eat Indian food every day.

India is known for their curries or gravies and masala. Curry, being an English word to describe every sauce that comes out of an Indian kitchen and masala, an Indian word meaning every spice known to humanity. So when you read the words ‘masala curry’ you couldn’t be less descriptive. Thankfully the Indians have color coded their gravies as white, brown, orange, red, and two descriptions on consistency being thick or saucy. They kindly also tell you what main vegetables (or meats) are included being aloo, mutter, paneer, gobi, and palak (potato, peas, cheese, cauliflower, and spinach). So armed with this colorful array of descriptions you spin the wheel of deliciousness and see what comes out.

I had the unique food privilege to be located in one town for 3 months and thus worked my way through most of the menus at my favorite places. This became a challenge and a goal because almost everything new I tried became my new favorite dish. Once I discovered a new delicacy or sauce, I tried the same at the other restaurants to see who made it best. Many times I was surprised that it could be better, but often I found that the same dish could vary widely in flavor almost making it something completely different. Already at a disadvantage at figuring out how to recreate these masterpieces I had to settle for pictures and names and hopefully find recipes later.

I fell in love with one sauce at my favorite place, the “Yogi Tree”. They serve this sauce in a variety of dishes so I could vary the contents. The dish I started with is called “Malai Kofta” which are basically veg meatballs drenched in sauce. This dish is served all over, but nowhere else did I find the sauce to be better than here. Over the many times I ordered this dish I befriended my waiter and he tried to sneak the recipe out of the chef. Not being a chef himself, he came back with a basic list of ingredients and no cooking instructions. I think I shed a few tears over that sad development, which only means I have to figure it out on my own. The problem with making your favorite Indian restaurant dish at home is technique and the masala spice mix. Everyone uses a different mix which is near impossible to make exactly again and thus every dish will be different. Many restaurants even use premade boxed masala mixes which can help the home chef, but only if you can keep on buying it!

Other favorite dishes that soon came forth as clear winners:

1 The famous Malai Kofta, slathered in sauce, topped with ghee and cream for good measure. Best served with naan.

2 Masala Dosa. A very thin pancake made in part with rice batter, served with spiced potatoes in the center. Can come as big as 1 meter long.

3 Various sauces of spiciness. The green one is spinach sauce, which is always fantastic.

4 Tali. Served home style with a couple vegetable choices, dal, rice, and chapati. Real home cooking

5 Masala Papad. Unleavened flat bread topped with various goodness, tastes a lot like a mexican pizza

6 Cardamom Parantha. Like a European pancake with a delicious layer of caramelised apples and onions in the middle topped with fruits and cream.

7 Fried lotus root in a sweet and sour sauce. Not Indian food, but this was so good I went out of my way several times to eat a whole plate of it.

8 They even serve a pretty good pizza

India also has its own category of bread called naan. There are other similar choices such as chapati, roti, parantha, and papad; all of which are used to scoop up sauce and deliver it to your mouth instead of your other choice of flavored rice or the old standby of using your fingers. India also like the rest of the world has croissants, generally more like a roll in the shape of a croissant. They do their best to copy the french delicacy, but I think they missed the memo that more butter is the key.

“There is no cheesecake in India!” – Torey Julian

This quickly became an inside joke as many places served what is clearly labelled as cheesecake. While it may indeed contain cheese (among who knows what else), these dense dry cakes clearly cannot be compared to cultures that actually have cream cheese, which is what is used in making the famous New York Cheesecake. So whenever India served us a western cuisine dish with what we would have expected to be of a certain texture and flavor and which had been clearly Indian-ized, all you could say was “There is no cheesecake in India!”

*Sizzling Brownie

I did find some wonderful desserts though. I managed to try every apple pie and brownie in town and happened upon a really good carrot cake. Some places knew how to work with chocolate and some clearly did not. Our favorite was the sizzling brownie served on a hot plate with chocolate poured over the whole thing. It sizzles, it smokes, it makes chocolate lava and melts all the ice cream as you dig in trying not to burn your mouth too much.

*After consuming your brownie you may be possessed to attack your neighbors brownie.

Both contenders for best apple pie

Its always sad to realize when you leave a place that you forgot to take pictures of the most routine things. For instance my favorite breakfasts have been completely forgotten, even though I ate them every day for 3 months. This includes:

Poha: A delicious yellow rice with lemon and spices with potatoes.
Sago: Tapioca pearls sautéed in sesame oil with peanuts and curry leaves (this is a very chewy dish, which I called the most meditative to eat).
Idil and Sambar: Little Indian rice buns served with a coconut gravy and sauces.
Uttapam: An Indian pancake with onions, tomatoes, and fresh herbs on top.

As I sit here salivating over my own memories, I can already taste my next trip to India and the wonderful tastes ill encounter. Blessings to your own culinary adventures and may you be lucky enough to visit India (or try your local Indian joint).

India: A way of life

Posted on May 2, 2014 by japanesecrouton

As I enjoy wonderful first world amenities aboard Turkish airlines I find it interesting to ponder what awaits me in India. Out of the window, as we fly around the Middle East no fly zone, I can see the oil refinery fires lighting up huge tracts of open land with their glowing magnificence. Someone too has a green laser pointer and is targeting our plane. An ominous thought crosses my mind for a moment, but then remember how fun laser pointers are.
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I arrive in India without much incident going through the normal airport checks and duties. The immigration officer forgets to stamp my passport, but begrudgingly fixes his mistake. I negotiate my first haggling of a taxi when my new friend tries to get me a whole 6 person for myself which is beyond expensive. I locate a normal taxi man for all I can tell and still get taken for a ride, but what a great ride. I am in a shoddy little metal box and driving through the amazing traffic of Mumbai. India is just what I expected of a third world country and my fears dissipate. I need to learn the ropes, but today I have only one task. Ride my first day high all the way to Pune where I will reside for 3 months and figure it out. So I don’t mind when I overpay for my taxi, or when it breaks down 5 minutes later. I am smiling and enjoying it all. His friend picks us up and takes me not to my desired destination, but a bus station to Pune. The price for the bus is correct, but now I super overpaid for my taxi to a far away destination, but oh well. He asks for a 50 in tip and I just have to laugh at India. I’ll get my chops quick enough and I’ll enjoy doing it. Meditating on letting go of the few dollars wasted I realize that all my desired experiences have occurred and I must thank the universe. Above all else I wanted to easily, quickly, and with great joy secure passage to Pune. Well accomplished indeed. I’ll manifest cheap later. For now I am intact and on my way to Pune for 4 hours. Within my first day I will discover just about all I need to understand India.

There is trash everywhere and while it assaults my mental concepts of aesthetic beauty, I find it almost to be more honest. The world is full of trash, more being made each day, whose fate will be the same. At least the Indians have the truth staring them in the face and are resolved to its presence. Perhaps this “in your face” approach would spur western public opinion to consider more our mass produced and disposable way of life more critically. We can keep putting it out of sight, but it still remains. This leads to the first realization, that the east has put more emphasis on developing the inner world than the outer beauty. Each person is very friendly and has a peace about their life that isn’t found in the west despite all our outer appearances.

Layers of beliefs are shedding as they come to the surface. Are these people suffering? What is daily life, work, the point to anyone here? I know nothing, but looking at anyone they seem to be in their place, doing whatever they are doing and not resigned with an air of defeat at their fate, but rather embrace it as life. I struggle with my conceptions to place this way of being. What drives it? Is it even real or an outsiders quick understanding? To sell chips and chai on busses all day, can one really enjoy that life? I look around at life and it’s multifaceted functioning and the beautiful mess of it all. I see people totally fine with the way the world is here. I was told to not try to change India, but embrace it and that’s the approach I’m taking. I look at the world and remember this isn’t the world. This is what man has made, the world is nature. So to ask myself the question of “could I find contentment in this system?” This question shows that we forget that this system is a choice and the natural world still exists. I don’t have to choose between this society and that society. I am choosing to live life rebelliously and choose something different and authentic to myself.

The Indian head wobble is a very amazing and astoundingly confusing motion to a western mind. As they stand there shaking their head no, they are completely agreeing with you. You know they are saying yes, but still the conditioning of a yes being a forward nod, instead of a side to side no, is hard to let go. You also learn right away that if they don’t know what you just asked, the answer is always “yes, yes”.

Is this food vegan?
Yes yes.
So does it have any milk in it?
Oh Yes! (This is India you idiot)

I remind my friends that they probably have no idea what the word vegan is. So everyone learns to ask simpler questions if they really need to know something. Everyones english goes down a degree, because less is more and you just want to get the meaning across.

Begging is a profession here. It seems a necessity as well for many people, whom have horrendous injuries or missing and twisted limbs. There is the magic show men who have a special flower that opens at your touch. There are the maimed and old sitting in the street. There are the street venders selling all manor of things that seem useless to me. There are the thin ladies who all look the same, carrying a small child in their arms, miming the movement for food or grabbing onto your shawl. Forever conditioning their young to be beggars their whole lives as well.

*credit Nicholas Powel & Adriana Le Blan
There is another group of beggars, that includes the various animals that share the streets. Along with the packs of dogs and holy cows eating the daily garbage, i’ve seen camels, horses, donkeys, cats, rats, elephants, and monkeys moving through traffic and stealing oranges from street venders who don’t have a keen eye. Its quite a zoo at times, but always interesting. However, you do always need to watch where you are walking as there are no zoo keepers cleaning this cage.

Then there are the countless little shops everywhere that all sell about the same things every block. There are also people selling fruit and vegetables on the street every block it seems. How can this system work? Who goes to these people to buy their oranges? I suddenly realize this is decentralization. In the west we travel many miles to visit a supermarket to buy all our foods and items; by a reputable source and as far as we can tell. In India, you have to walk no more than a few feet and most of what you need is there. Today its this man with oranges, and tomorrow it may be someone else with papaya. You go into the little shop and perhaps they have 1 of the item you want, and like mothers pantry will fill it again with what seems like odds and ends when they get around to it. Surprisingly, I find everything I need easily and so does everyone else, otherwise this system wouldn’t work. The ideas of east and west are so different, I am sure when I step into a western supermarket for the first time, I will be appalled once again at how many useless things there are in 10 slightly different variations all competing for your attention and money. This decentralization is also the reason that you may leave a bus station heading toward a major city, only to be dropped off at an out of the way parking lot with hoards of taxi drivers jumping for your business. Everything from fruit and household goods to finding taxi drivers is setup to support hundreds of middle men all making their daily wage.

Then there is the haggling of course. Most things are negotiable except for items with the price stamped on them. Rickshaws charge the day price and the night price. Anything you want is always marked up for the unknowing person to overpay. Somedays you just don’t feel like fighting the whole system and just want to know the damn price so you can plan your life and shopping. If you don’t know what number to fight over, you feel so lost and wonder if your number is insulting or just part of the game. Walking away instantly drops the price, but even then you never know what bottom dollar is. I figure out the prices for rickshaw rides without ever turning on a meter, and once I know that, I know exactly how much to haggle and stick to my prices when someone wants to charge too much. This makes life easy and fun. Give me a few ground rules and then ill have a good time.

I can say without a doubt that India teaches you how to live life. Life goes on and with a few social skills you can achieve just about anything. From housing and transportation to food and entertainment, while having some good laughs in between, India is an experience in what constitutes daily life without all the gloss and glam covering the person to person interaction that turns the world one more day. It may look very different (and smell very different), but India is a unique experience in the world and despite all my fears before arriving I have found the ground beneath my feet and everyone can learn to stand up here. Blessings to everyone on their journey.

Japanesecrouton